Aah... the good old days?

Remember the bygone 4th of July you enjoyed as a kid? I sure do, all the neighbors on the street would come out and BBQ, light off fireworks in the street, and generally have a good - and as it turns out, highly-toxic time.

You see, we'd crouch on the curb and light "Snakes". These were the little black pellets that, when lit, would generate these long twisted strands of ash. I remember huddling close in amazement, breathing excitedly, feeling confused as to how such a small pellet could produce so much ash.

Sadly, I still have no idea how it worked, but I'm pretty sure I'll get brain cancer or something someday because of those little smoky bastards.

You see, apparently those things are made of a chemical called Mercury(II) thiocyanate (Hg(SCN)2). I'll let Wikipedia explain:

Mercury(II) thiocyanate (Hg(SCN)2) is a chemical compound. It was formerly used in pyrotechnics for the long snake-like ash Pharaoh's serpent that forms when a pellet of this compound, often with a small amount of a sugar such as glucose added to serve as supplemental fuel, is ignited. This is extremely dangerous because it produces poisonous mercury vapors.

Mercury(II) thiocyanate is made by reacting a mercury(II) salt (such as mercury(II) chloride) with a thiocyanate salt (such as potassium thiocyanate) in solution in water, producing a precipitate of mercury(II) thiocyanate.

Conditions/substances to avoid are: moisture, heat, light, aluminium and strong acids.

"Poisonous mercury vapors"? What the crap Mom? I thought these things were labeled "safe and sane"?

Despite what this suspiciously European-sounding doofus says on the video, rest assured that it is not in fact "a rock from Mars" that he is burning, but rather Mercury(II) thiocyanate, which is undoubtedly destroying the brains of his kids, who are standing in close proximity.

If you need proof, just wait until the end, when they all Rainman drone in unison, "This is cool. Let's do it again."

Breathe deep, kids.

Why the Border Patrol will never win.

Go ahead and build a wall. As long as Chrysler keeps making minivans with two sliding doors, I guess we're hosed.

He is...

...but lyrically, I take exception between 1:46 - 1:56 of this song. ZAP!